Barbie Girl
by Sunwinged
Summary: Snape? Barbie Girl? Dancing? What could be more horrible? Read and see what our dear Snape does in his free time. Cowritten by Catrocks.


_This little bit of fiction was written by me, Sunwinged, and was inspired and co-written by Catrocks, my awesome friend! _

_Disclaimer: We do not own any part of Harry Potter, not even Snape. And the lyrics are from the song Barbie Girl, by Aqua. I don't own that either. _

Hogwarts was silent, or at least the dungeons were. No one dared to lurk there, lest they be caught by the evil Professor Snape. Snape was under the impression that students were intimidated by him because of his teaching skills. Snape was wrong.

The students of Hogwarts School could handle the whole detention thing, they could handle the five million points off thing, they could even handle the hook nose, black cape look Snape seemed rather fond of, but they could not handle the greasy hair. Whenever Snape walked into the room at the start of class, you could hear a steady dripping sound and soon puddles of grease formed on the floor. Apparently there were no showers or washrooms in the dungeons, either that or Snape bathed himself in animal fat. No, the dungeons were off limits.

Harry Potter, a tall, handsome boy with emerald eyes and raven-colored hair, walked quickly down the corridor of these dungeons, thinking these very same thoughts. Ron Weasley, Harry's best friend and equally as handsome, was peering out from under his flaming orange hair as he walked beside Harry.

Together they approached Snape's classroom. A murmuring sound was projecting through the open door, and Harry and Ron were just about to walk into the room, when they stopped, shocked at the site before them.

Snape was prancing around, but that wasn't the worst thing, he was _singing_. And he wasn't just singing any old song, he was singing Barbie Girl.

"_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation" _

Snape shrilled the lyrics out, hopping on the tables and over chairs.

"_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky" _

Snape tossed his head from side to side, spraying the walls with grease.

"_You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa _

"I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation"

Harry and Ron's mouths dropped open.

"What is he singing?" Ron asked, gaping at Snape.

"A muggle song," Harry explained, still openly gaping, "about a doll that little girls play with."

Ron shook his head. "That's just sad mate." Harry agreed.

"_Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party" _

Snape whisked out his wand and pointed it at the jars of brains and hearts and other such things that were lined along the shelves in the room. Suddenly, the jars flew up and started to float around Snape as he flaunted around.

"_You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours"  
_

Footsteps resounded through the corridor behind Ron and Harry. They whirled around and looked as Hermione Granger, their other friend, approached them accompanied by Neville Longbottom.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

Hermione smile wistfully. "I came to ask Professor Snape what I got on that potions test we had today," she replied. "It was actually quite easy, but I do think I missed numbers 10 and 45, they were a little difficult…wait, what's that sound?" She looked around, puzzled.

"You don't want to know," Ron said, pulling her towards the gap in the door.

Hermione and Neville looked inside the room and gasped. Snape was pirouetting across the room, smiling insanely.

"_Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh"  
_

"I told you you didn't want to know," Ron said, shaking his head.

"My eyes!" Neville shrieked and ran from the room as fast as he possibly could, hands clamped firmly over his face and head ducked.

Hermione shuddered. "I don't feel right about spying on a professor," she said.

"I don't feel right about him singing!" Harry exclaimed.

"Or dancing," Ron added.

All three of them turned back towards the room.

"_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation"  
_

The song was winding down and Snape was moving a little slower, panting from the exertion the song took.

"_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_

"Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh"

The music slowly died out, and Snape collapsed on the ground, heaving for breath. Harry, Ron, and Hermione sniggered at his exhausted expression…and his dancing. Snape's head shot up and he looked at the door, startled. Harry, Ron, and Hermione immediately snuffled their laughs. Snape picked himself up and shuffled over to the door. The trio ran down the hall, surprisingly in a better mood.

The next day at potions, Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into the classroom and started singing,

"_Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh_"

Snape turned a deep shade of red and looked about ready to kill them. Neville passed out beside his cauldron. Meanwhile, everyone else had backed a considerable distance away and were looking at them with concerned expressions. It was a fun year, needless to say…

_Review or Catrocks will hunt you down. And she can be pretty mean. _


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